the sloppy duck

I get scared that all the little thoughts and memories and tidbits that make me smile and laugh will be forgotten, and nobody will ever know about them. So I'll put them here. And maybe others can pretend like they get it.

Purpose Driven Life Day 3

Question to Consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is one thing I should stop doing and one thing I should start doing today?

This answer made me smile a little bit… the first thing I need to stop doing is being anxious and scared about taking risks in what I’m doing with my life. I laugh because I have an anxiety disorder. So it’s a little funny seeing that the one thing I should stop doing involves the way I was made. 

Going along with that answer, I think I need to start making more risky commitments. I think I mentioned in my last devotional how I always line things up practically because it makes me feel comfortable. Whenever finances or plans are up in the air I get extremely anxious… Like when I moved, for instance. After graduation, I moved to a new town where I really didn’t know anyone and didn’t have a job waiting for me there like a lot of people do when they move. It was sort of an emergency move, so I didn’t really have a lot of choice in the matter, but I remember just sitting around all day waiting for people to get back to me. I actually used to send myself test emails just to be sure that employers were able to contact me.

Applying for jobs has always been an issue for me because I’ve had quite a few negative working experiences in the past. I’m always worried about whether I’ll get along with my boss, what kind of work I’ll be doing, what my hours will be, etc, etc and then I have such a hard time pushing the SEND button (especially for jobs that I actually really want) because I think to myself, “Oh GOD what if I don’t get this job!?”

When I was 16 I made so many plans for my life, and I find myself not running towards those ideals because it just wouldn’t be “practical” right now. I’d love to pursue and have the courage to go after my dreams, and stop spending my time worrying about stupid details.

Questions? Comments? What would you stop doing? What would you begin doing?

  • 31 May 2012
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